I can’t believe that my leave is over and I am now back at work. It’s been a busy 60days throughout, and everything in my life changed. My sleep patterns, my body shape, and mostly what I do day in and day out.

Last time, everything was easy. I only had myself to take care of…and oh yes…my other half too. I can wake up as late as I want, I can go anywhere I want without having to worry of anything, I can come home late, I can go out with friends, I can go do my weekly mani/pedi/hair wash whatever…and the list goes on and on.

Now…I wake up every 3 hours as the little one wakes up to be fed, I feel guilty if I need to go out and leave her alone with the maid, I don’t dare to come home late coz I don’t want her to not see me at all, and that I need to sacrifice my beauty regime for a while. Friends? Well they come visit…so can that be considered as my hang out time with them. But despite of all that, I feel so contented with Ayriss being part of me now. She’s my precious…our precious little angel.

I never thought that it’s going to be this tough to leave her while I’m at work. I’m so afraid that I’m gonna miss out on her developments everyday. Like whether can she lift her head, or when she makes another cheeky face, or when she makes cute little noises, or when she stretches her body with her cute face. I’m afraid that she’d forget how I look like since I’m not home during daytime. I’m afraid that she will not recognize my voice, afraid that she’d forget how it feels when I touch her skin, or when I kiss her forehead, her chubby cheeks and her pouty mouth. I’m worried that I’m not going to be able to be a good mother to her. I want to be there for her all the time. I want to watch her grow. I don’t even want to miss even one second of it. Argghhhh…the dilemma of a working mom.

Mummy loves you Ayriss, very much. Do know that ok my dear girl. Don’t you forget that.

Here's the latest photo of Ayriss which her granny snapped yesterday. Pandai jugak nenek Ayriss ni kan...

It’s my second last week of maternity and I’m sad that it’s ending soon. I really enjoy being at home with the little one. Of course, she drives me crazy at night as she has gotten her beauty sleep during the day. She only wakes up to drink milk and she goes back to sleep. I wish she can do that at night too. But nope, when the clock strikes 11pm, her eyes are wide open and she puts on her cheeky face as if saying “come mommy, let’s play”. And she only goes back to sleep at 4 or 5am.

I’ve tried changing her sleep patterns, but to no avail. I’m just afraid I might have problems with MY sleeping patterns when I get back to work. as it is, I do have trouble with sleeping.

Anyways, whatever I do with Ayriss everyday is great. Everything is an achievement for me. It was an achievement for me when I bathe her for the first time. It was an achievement for me when I managed to burp her 4 times in a row (yes, this girl has lots of wind). It was an achievement for me when I finally managed to fix her stroller and car seat! Damn baby gadgets are actually tough to be fixed! Or maybe it’s just me. I hate reading instructions. I’m really not a DIY person. The father spent a good one hour teaching me fixing the stroller. What needs to be fold, what needs to be un-fold etc. He almost gave up after 5minutes. So imagine teaching me for an-hour. He says I lack of understanding the rules of physics and titian hidup. Whatever!

Next, it would be an achievement for me if I can manage to bring her out for window shopping all by myself. Grow up fast little girl. I love you Ayriss.

Here's the latest picture of my little girl. Fat eh?