I've Got A Feeling...
A great continuation to the above title would be...to sing the rest of the line of Black Eye Peas' song that goes... "I've got a feeling, that tonight is gonna be a good night". But that's not what it is for me.

I've been feeling quite disturbed these past few days, and I'm seeking for answers to comfort this uneasy feelings.

Have you ever felt that your instincts are really trying to tell you something, but you just can't figure what it is?

Have you ever felt like there's always something that's missing from your flavour of life?

Have you ever felt like you're unhappy about something but you just don't want to acknowledge it?

Did you ever ask yourself: when is enough, is really enough?

Do you always know what always matters to you more, or most?

Have you ever wondered how your life would be without your loved ones?

Have you ever had that slight feeling that you're being cheated/fooled/lied to?

Have you ever wished that some things should have just never happened in your life?

Can money buy love?

Did you always acknowledge your faults, and admit that you're wrong?

Have you ever hurt the people around you without knowing that you did?

What actually makes you happy? So that at the end of the day, you can lie down in your bed and say "I've done it right this time. Thank You God."

Can you bear losing something dear to you?

Would you do anything to save everything?

Do you want to know if someone is mad at you?

Sigh. Can life be less complicated sometimes? I wonder.

Labels: among other things, feeling blue, life, reflection, whatever

The Lost Entry
I realized that my last entry was in June. And it's now August (thank God it's still in the same year). Have I been busy? Well not really. To say that work was eating up my time, hmmm not at all. It was just laziness I guess.

OK, so what's new? Not in sequence of order:

• Ayriss turned 1 on 15 June 2009! Woohoo! Pictures as usual were uploaded on FB.
• I played futsal with the girls from the office, and I sprained my ankle real bad. My ankle was swollen for about a week and it looked fat! I went to SJMC ER, spent 3 hours (including waiting time) doing X-ray and being pushed back and forth from ER to the Specialist wing on a wheelchair. Doc said that I had torn ligament!
• I've been given a new portfolio at work.
• Received a salary increment but it wasn't great. I blame the economy turmoil! But I'm still grateful that at least I got something.
• Failed in my exercise/diet attempt. Sheeshhh...bila nak berjaya nie?
• I'm paranoid with the H1N1 outbreak. Ya Allah, jauhkanlah wabak penyakit itu daripada ku dan juga ahli2 keluragaku.

Would love to type more but I'm very sleepy...

Until the next time. I'll be back with a longer update.

Losing Weight

Labels: among other things, diet, life

My daily fix
The tea lady was on half day leave today. She wasn’t in in the morning. Everybody went berserk like… “Mana ah-yong? Nak kopi!!!”. “Naper ah-yong cuti? Sapa nak wat air?”.

In the afternoon at 3pm, I heard the sound of Ah-Yong’s trolley. I was like… “Ah yong dtg!!!”. And everyone else was like…

“Ha, yong…ingat u takde dtg. Byk haus woh”
“Yong, baru masuk ka?”
“Takda minum Yong punya kopi tak boleh buat kerja la pagi”
“Yong, mana u pegi? U takda byk susah la”.

You see, her presence cheers us up. We all cannot focus in the morning when she didn’t fix us our morning drinks. We are all just plain lazy to walk downstairs to buy coffee/tea at the café, very lazy to take the lift to go to pantry and fix our own coffee. We are so dependent on her. Aren’t we all so spoilt?

Labels: among other things

Wanting to be a SuperMom
I know I should not be making excuses about why I have not been blogging. Truth is, I don’t even know if anyone ever reads this.

But I see my blog as a place for me to leash things that are boiling inside me. Sometimes it’s personal, sometimes it’s just plain whining.

You know, of late, I have this feeling inside me that I don’t want to do anything in my life. I just want to stay quietly at home and enjoy my time with my mini me. I feel sad when I have to leave her in the morning to go to work. I feel sad at work when I know I’m missing out on her everyday developments. Like I may not be the first to hear her say “mummy”, or see her takes her first steps, or see her facial expressions. Those things matter to me, and I feel less of a mother when I cannot be there for her every first things.

Some say, take a break from work. Wow I love that idea. But when I’m ready to come back to work in say…2-3 years time, what if I’ve missed out on my own career development? I don’t want to have the same position as I did before I quit. To add more salt to the wound, the economic turmoil now is worrying. Some have lost their jobs and many others are fighting to keep theirs. I know I have to be thankful for the blessings I have in my life for now, quitting now is not an option. But what about my baby? She needs me. I need to be with her. I’m cutting hours at work as much as I can, bringing work home, work at nights, but that would leave me feeling so tired the next day. Sometimes I wish I can be a supermom. I want to be a career woman. I want to be the mother than can focus on her child all the time. I want to be able to still do the house chores and be like other housewives who cook for their husbands. I want to have it all, but I guess, I can’t, can I?

Labels: feeling blue, Motherhood

Mummy-daughter picture perfect.

Labels: My Doll

I'm having the worst Monday blues ever.


Hehe.

I wish...
I know I'm a disappointment sometimes. I just wish you knew how hard I've tried - trying to live up to your expectations.

Sometimes I wish that you'd think before you say anything, and consider my feelings too. I just wish you knew that words can really hurt someone.

Labels: feeling blue

• He left to the States last Saturday, my thinking orientation failed to work ever since. It’s like as if I could not function well without him telling me what to do. Shows how much I’ve become too dependent on him, even when it comes to the simplest thing. I hate being too dependent…and he spoiled me for being too dependent.
  



• Ayriss and I moved back to mom’s place in PJ – since Ayriss’ daddy won’t be around for the next 3 weeks. We both missed him so dearly. I still cry myself to sleep whenever he goes overseas for work. Where as for the little one, for the past 2 mornings, the first thing she said after she’s woken up from sleep was “papapapapa”. Maybe she’s just mumbling to herself, she speaks baby language anyway. Sometimes it’s “mamamama” (but does that mean she was calling mama)? Sometimes it’s just her high pitch voice of “aaaahhhh”, calling whoever is near her. But I know she misses her daddy as whenever I show her videos that her daddy earlier recorded (just for the purpose of showing the video to Ayriss in his absence), she would jilat the phone screen (maybe she wanted to give her daddy a kiss)?
  



• Boss is serving her last few days in the office. Up to now, we haven’t heard of who will be replacing her. I hope and pray it’s someone who I can work with. For her farewell party, I'm ordering cuppies from a good friend - Sue. I designed the cuppies myself, so she'll bake and copy the designs as best as she can. (omg aku ckp mcm aku ni pandai sgt design cupcakes, or macam la design tu cantik)
  



• This is my babe in a mini cutie tudung. Comel tak? Many people asked if she was wearing a pink lipstick? No, she wasn’t. That’s her own natural lip colour. It looked glossy because of her air liur.

Labels: among other things, designs, my better half, My Doll

Wasting time on a Friday evening
My face shape is square. Well Sandra Bullock’s face shape is square too. And she’s pretty.